I have been on this journey of a physical and mental transformation for 3 1/2 years and the true journey to me blossoming into the woman I was born to be. I hadn't found that person yet as much as I thought I had.
August 1st, I started a prep trial so that I could see what it takes to get ready for a competition and how my body would react and change with the process. What I didn't know when I started this prep is that not only would I get to witness even more physical changes in my body but that I would start to own my body and own myself in the process.
Physically, as you can tell by the following photos, my body changed. The scale didn't change but my body continued to change day in and day out. (Ignore the funny faces or awkward posing. Not being told the photo was being snapped caused goofy faces and posing is new to me and still working on.)
I was lucky enough to have a fellow competitor offer me one of her suits to try out for the competition. I had heard good and bad things about how it might feel to actually put on that suit because well they can not be the most flattering thing to wear and there also isn't much to them. With that being said, when I went to try on the suits for the first time I was nervous at first. One, I had no idea how to put them on (figure suits are a little different then bikini) but I got it. Two, how was I going to look. I was feeling amazing coming into the last few days of peak week trial and all I wanted was that to show. Let me tell you what, as soon as I put them on, I had a huge smile on my face. I couldn't believe it.
Who would have thought that the me from 2013 that hated everything about my body, would be the me today embracing and owning my body in a bikini prepping to take the stage in 5 months.
Me putting on those suits made me realize the commitment I made to myself to do this and follow through. I am not a quitter, never have been. If I was a quitter I wouldn't have made it as far as I have with my new lifestyle. It wouldn't have become a lifestyle and instead it would have been work towards a quick fix. Knowing where I started from to where I am now made it special to put them on. It wasn't like just putting on a regular swim suit to wear to the beach and being comfortable. I was putting on something that can prove absolutely anything is possible with the right mentality. That I can own every inch of my body and the abilities it has to let me push to my max. That is why I couldn't help but be smiling in the photos. Because I have overcome so much and to be where I am today is amazing! The feeling that I get wearing these suits is magical. It might not be flattering but I don't want to take the suit off.
I am definitely feeling differently not just physically with everything but seriously just being confident in who I am. No hiding. I am who I am and that is enough and that is what I'm going to share with those around me.
Side Note:
Sometimes on journeys we don't realize how much we can help those around us without even knowing it. A couple months ago I switched gyms and I was no longer the girl from Title who had lost 97 pounds. I was a girl walking into a new gym where I was already fit and healthy. So in the eyes of the new members I was surrounding myself with, I was just the "badass" that was killing that boxing bag or lifting those weights. They don't know my story and it is my job to find a way to share it because I will never know if the person next me has had a similar journey, just starting theirs, or needs a little extra push.
I am so lucky to have a very beautiful friend/trainer who has believed in me since that first day of boxing 3 years ago. She was put into my life for a reason and she has seen my potential since day 1 without pressuring me into it. She just lent me the guidance I needed to succeed and to be where I am today. She had seen the change in me over the past month that I was feeling. When I thought I was truly confident in myself a few months ago to do a photo shoot, my sparkle was only at half of its potential. This last month, I have found more of that sparkle. I have found more of who I am and spreading that sparkle to everyone around me.
