Four years ago I was someone who was just lost and unhappy with herself. I was shy and closed off until I got to know you. I didn't like to share my feelings. I hated shopping. I didn't have that one thing that kept me excited every day. I made that leap of faith to trust myself and go for it and make a change in my life.
I needed to spend some time reflecting on the journey and what my goals are for after competition so that I knew what direction I was heading in and could do my reverse dieting properly without putting my body into entire shock. I had been thinking about goals for the last couple weeks and it was hard to pinpoint the direction I wanted to go since I haven't finished this goal yet.
So yesterday while cleaning the house for the upcoming family visit, I tried to also think about what I wanted to accomplish. I have absolutely fallen in love with who I have become in every aspect of this journey. Mentally and physically. Not in a million years would I have imagined this transformation being so huge in both aspects. This isn't just the transformation over the last 4 years, this is also just the transformation I have seen over the past year and even the past 13 weeks. Everyday I feel a little more confident in what I am doing and I am able to show that. Will I compete again? Maybe, but I can't decide that until I step on that stage this Saturday.
This competition prep has been incredible. It has been trying at times and it has run me into the ground on occasions, but it has also shown me how hard I can push myself and keep myself accountable. I had my amazing support system who were willing to put the gym time in with me, but a majority of the time I had to make sure I was the one getting up early and getting it done. Or having to go back to the gym after a long day to finish the rest of the workout. The true athlete has come out in me that I had put away for so many years.
So right now, if I were to set goals for myself, I know I don't want to stop. I want to continue lifting, no power-lifting for this girl though. My back structure won't allow for that so I will strive to just improve and be stronger. I want to continue to work on being strong and building and symmetry in case I do decide to compete again. But to also just work on improving myself. I know that I have it in me now. I have a new found love for life and fitness.
I want to take this new found love and thrive with it. I want to learn more about fitness so that I can make an impact on someone if they wanted. I have followed the directions and I know what works and now I want to learn why it has worked and would it work for someone else. I know that everybody is different and every person needs different nutrition and workouts and I want to understand why that is. I am told I am inspiration to many, but now I want to help those people. I don't want to just be the woman they can look at pictures and say she did it, but I want to be able to give guidance because what I have done might not work for them. So when I am asked why I can give them the proper answer and not just because I was told to it this way.
I always had the need to want to help people and that's why my education journey started out with Pre-Ed, because I had teachers who made an impact on my life. But my heart wasn't there, and today yes I crunch numbers on a daily but I love numbers. It's my thing. However, I feel that this is my thing as well. My heart is here in fitness 100% and seeing other succeed at whatever their goals might be. My life has changed completely and I want that to continue.
Yesterday was the start of peak week. What I have been working towards for a year is here. It is so crazy to think it is. This week is the final push to that moment on the stage. Every ounce of sweat I have dripped and every moment of soreness has lead up to this. This moment. This test to myself. I will have those supporters cheering me on from the crowd, but the moment I step on that stage I am there. I did it. I did something that I swore I would never do. I did something I never thought I was capable of doing.
Me as a person doesn't need to change anymore. I am no longer trying to become who I am meant to be. I have found me and who I am true to. I am no longer lost. I AM ME!
I have fought and I have strained my potential until it cried for mercy. I am ready for this battle again me and only me.
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