4 Weeks Out.......

Everyday gets closer and closer to the goal I committed to a year ago. Everyday I have to have that discipline and that commitment to get me where I want to be. Those drops of sweat I live on the gym floor. The temptations of food in my house, at the office, or just in general. The donuts, the pizza, the wine, the everything I have had to try so hard to refrain from eating.

I have trusted everything Rachel has told me over the past 3 years and everything we have done as worked. I trust her as a friend and as a trainer. This is an absolute science but it has worked. I couldn't have wanted to work with any other person because she cares about me as I have gone through the process. Making sure I am feeling okay, that I understand everything, and that I am comfortable with it.

When I did my trial run last fall, I didn't realize how much work and commitment it takes to do this. This is a sport because it takes every last ounce of work to improve. Improving the body. Improving the nutrition. Keeping sanity. Improving discipline. Everything I have done the last 10 weeks is the same amount of work any athlete would do to improve what they love. All training that we do  is to improve ourselves in one way or another. The 6 days a week of cardio and lifting, the 6 meals a day to fuel my body for the energy, the times when I didn't want to get up but won't give up, it is all worth it.

These next 4 weeks will be even harder than the last 10 but I have to remind myself of the will power that I have. I have learned so much the last 4 years, that I know I can succeed at the next 4 weeks and be the best ME I can be. Will it be hard? YES. Will it be worth it? HELL YES. 

Today I started some new nutrition and I'm excited to see how it changes my body. Less carbs, lots of veggies, and protein. High, high, high carbs every once in a while. 

I bought all kinds of vegetable mixes so that I won't get bored with them. I am excited for a little change but I have to keep it simple and easy. Green beans, sugar snap peas, peppers, zucchini, salads, tomatoes, brussel sprouts, asparagus. Chicken, tilapia, and salmon. Eggs and Cream of Wheat.

The next 4 weeks I will push. I will push as hard as I can in the gym. I will push through every temptation. I will succeed. I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy. 

I will get the confidence I need for on that stage because I know I have it. I just have to let it shine the way that I can during any normal day. I'm an athlete, I'm a competitor. I am a woman who has found herself from the inside out and loves herself. My eyes glitter with self-confidence that was never there before. 

Am I perfect, no. But I am me and I will own me. 

It Isn't Easy......I Messed Up

Truth time......since my last blog post somethings have happened and it is time for me to shed some light.

Everything has seriously been great through this process until just recently. This process.....isn't made for everyone. It takes a toll on the body physically and mentally. I totally can see why people say a person's body isn't made to do this on a continual basis.

Last week it all caught up to me. Wednesday, I got up like I usually do and went to the gym for my first round of workouts for that day. Did my 45 minutes of cardio and my core/calf workout. Came home to get the boys off to school and myself to work. But as the day went on, I was feeling off. I couldn't exactly pin point what was going on and when I was asked how I was feeling I couldn't even describe it. I just knew something was off. I was suppose to go back to the gym that night after work for another round of 45 minutes of cardio.

Rachel happened to send me a text early that afternoon just to say hi and I told her something was weird. I had been contemplating earlier on whether or not to text her and ask how detrimental it was for my training to get in that second round of cardio in. She thankfully told me it wasn't detrimental at all. I had been on track with everything and my body needed rest. My muscles were more than likely depleted too much and needed to heal with rest. I have been pushing hard since January 1st and making sure I was hitting every workout plus balancing life and with only one rest day a week it was catching up to me.

I am not a huge fan of drinking water and I generally struggle with getting my gallon of water in by the end of the day but I get it in. On this particular day, from 5am to 1pm I had already guzzled my full gallon and was working on more. My body was more than likely craving that rehydration for some reason more than normal which is also a sign of needing rest. I wanted to chug a Spark but she advised me that it wouldn't help me and could dehydrate me more. I would get the boost of energy I was looking for but it wasn't what my body needed. I needed to rest to see more growth and not risk injury, more inflammation, or illness.

I am not one to ask for permission to not work out. Working out is such a huge part of my life now, and if it wasn't for her texting me, I more than likely would have still showed up at the gym like I do everyday. I thanked her for telling me to go home and rest and I did. I was out by 7:30 until 4:30 the next morning. I would have pushed through it and more than likely would have paid for it.

That Friday, I went to Spokane with my good friend Chelsea so that I could have LASIK done. I was feeling refreshed from the extra rest, packed my scale to weigh in and all my food to stay on track. The rest I had, staying on track, and a change up in supplements I had seen the scale change after plateauing the week before. The LASIK went perfect and I am so glad I did it.

While we were in Spokane, my body started to show signs of a menstrual cycle which was early for me. I am pretty much on schedule with my cycles and it was weird for me to be a week ahead of schedule. After checking with some people who also compete, I was informed it is pretty normal with the changes in body fat and weight loss. However it made temptations really hard to avoid.

This Tuesday, my true colors showed in the temptation department and my lack of control. I knew better but I couldn't help myself. I had a mix of everything going that day and I let it get the best of me. The temptations with the menstrual cycle, mental struggle with being told no more reward meals (crazy how much this affects a person, haha), rough day with Landon and behavior issues, and for being good for so long. I could have ate things that were a lot worse than what I ate, but what I ate is not part of my plan and considering I hate those things on top of what I was suppose to eat, I over did it.

I confessed to friends what I had done and I didn't want to say anything to Rachel at first. But I consumed the food that I did and I can't hide it because it is going to show in the weigh in and photos this week. I already feel it and know it and I am kicking myself in the butt for it. I knew better but I did it anyways. A friend and fellow competitor reminded me that this isn't easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

This morning Rachel asked me how I was feeling and my first thought was crap do I confess or do I not. I told her I was feeling okay and that I had an off day. I told her I was mad at myself for what I did and kicking myself in the butt for doing it. She reminded me that what's done is done and not to beat myself up over it and to also not work out extra thinking it will sweat away. I just have to put it behind me and move forward and stay on track. 

So in general, I am feeling great. I have just recently hit some rough patches as I am halfway through this. I am normal and this isn't easy. This is a lot of work mentally, physically, and emotionally. The progress I want doesn't happen over night and I have to keep pushing. I have to block out those temptations and remember again why I am doing this. 

I am just a girl fighting. Fighting for the new life I have fallen in love with. 

This is MY life
These are MY dreams 
I can have whatever I WANT to HAVE
I can be whatever I WANT to BE
I can go wherever I WANT to GO
I can do whatever I'm BOLD enough
I can do whatever I'm BIG enough
I can do whatever I'm STRONG enoughTo DREAM
And what I need to do it is already INSIDE of ME
Every tool that I need is already INSIDE of ME
I will NOT be DEFEATED
My GOAL will NOT be DEFEATED
My DREAMS will NOT be DEFEATED
I will NOT be DESTROYED
I will DEFEND what's RIGHTFULLY mine
These are MY DREAMS
This is MY LIFE
And from this day forward
I WILL LIVE IT