The last two weeks have been tough in every aspect physically and mentally. Days where the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. Or the last thing I wanted to do was eat another piece of chicken. Times when my body was fatigued and catching a cold. It has definitely taken a lot over the past few weeks to hold it all together. The time of making it or breaking it and proving to myself that I am strong enough to stick it out and not give up.
Going into these last 4 weeks, Rachel took me out to Ciao Mambo for an absolutely amazing reward meal that consisted of italian nachos, wine, bread, and pasta. Basically all of the carbs a person could have asked for in one sitting. As much as I enjoyed that food at that moment, I sure as hell paid for it the following two days. Did my body look really good and full after those carbs, most definitely, but my stomach was a gut wrenching mess. It literally took two days for it too recover after eating that kind of food after clean eating for so long.
Since that amazing carb up, I have been on a veggie/protein meal plan for 5 of my 6 meals. One of my meals is protein/carbs but that is eat. And the lack of those filling carbs in the body is so tough on temptations. I have even started to dream about the carbs I am not eating. The dream is so vivid that I even can taste it in my mouth when I wake up. And of all of the things to dream of, it was a fully loaded sub-sandwhich, which is definitely not my choice of carbs.
But here I am, going into the home stretch of the next 12 days. There are still things to work on and tweak, but for the majority everything is coming together. I am going to be competing in the Novice Class and the Open Class for Figure. Novice is for the competitors that haven't placed in the top 3 in any figure competition previously and Open is for anyone. I have my suit picked out, working on finalizing the accessories, making hair and makeup decisions. I also am doing a photo shoot to document this time in my journey and I have outfits ready for that.
As my body has been fatigued these past couple of weeks, I have done some reflecting looking back at photos. Looking at where I started 4 years ago. Looking to when I met my goals. Looking to when I first put on the suit. When Dixie lent me her figure suits back in October she had mentioned that this was the most unflattering piece of clothing I would ever put on. Honestly that did discourage me a little bit, but I had to remember when I started. I would have never been caught dead wearing this little piece of fabric. When I put on that suit for the very first time I was excited. I was just finishing my trial run for competition. My posing was absolutely horrid!!!! But to look back at that now and see not only the physical body improvements, but the confidence and the posing. Trusting the process.
Training for this has been the most dedication I think I have put into something for me. But looking back at photos periodically honestly helps so much.
I have had so much help over this journey that I am speechless. I will have a big post about that later, but seriously, I hope you all know much you have helped me in some way or another.
So here I go, the home stretch. Counting down the days to that moment. Meal plans, water, sodium, workouts, appointments for glam, etc. It will be a crazy 12 days but I'm ready for every last minute of this.
This journey has taught me so much about who I am and what I am capable of. Here is to finishing that fight and getting on that stage. Shining bright with the confidence I have gained. Smiling with that sparkle I was missing for so many years. Letting people in to see the real me and not having to hide anymore. There is no hiding on that stage. I am letting everyone see me on that stage and the judges might not care about my journey but I know those in the audience know and are proud of me. I am stronger that I have ever been and I am becoming who I was meant to be. Makes me teary eyed to just think about it all.
Next post will hopefully be continued next weekend.......and one after the show.....
I love you all for the absolutely amazing support I have received and I can't wait for this. I am ready!
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